Dat Card
by AndThenBurnTheAshes
Summary: Oh, we all have these kinds of days. Some of us more than others, but...meh. Written for Pein's birthday. Because he should be alive.


A.N: Well...this was...unplanned. ...where does one even go from here?

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All was quiet in the Akatsuki base. Pein was at his desk, doing paperwork like always. Everyone else was...he didn't care. He was alone, nobody was bothering him, and he could _finally_ get _his_ job done instead of doing everybody else's for them.

The only problem was...he felt like something was missing. He frowned, trying to figure out what it was that was wrong. Was today a holiday...? No, Konan would have told him this morning if something was going on that day. Was it tax day...oh, wait. He was a god. He didn't pay taxes. Well, was it somebody's birthday...? Yes, that must be it.

But whose birthday was it...?

The door to his room suddenly flew open with a loud bang, causing him to jump and fall out of his chair with a very undignified squeak. He sat up, glaring over the top of the desk. Who had dared to-

"Happy birthday, Pein!"

"Happy birthday to you, Leader-sama."

"Happy birthday, un!"

"May Jashin fucking bless you on this most happiest of days!"

"Tobi wishes Leader-sama a very very very happy birthday! Because Tobi is a good boy!"

Pein simply stared at the rest of the Akatsuki.

What.

The.

Hell.

The Akatsuki was clumped together in the doorway, nobody seemingly willing to step in first. Kakuzu looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment, Sasori looked bored, Deidara was grinning in glee, Tobi was being Tobi, Konan was giggling, Zetsu was standing there, looking as cannibalistic as always, Kisame was snorting with laughter, Hidan was covered in blood, like he had been interrupted in the middle of a ritual, and Itachi was just...there.

Oh, himself.

He had forgotten.

Well, at least, _tried_ to forget.

Konan stepped in the room first.

"Happy birthday, Pein!" she threw her arms around him, not caring that the rest of the Akatsuki was watching.

"Uh, thanks, Konan. What, exactly is going on here, though?" Konan giggled again. It was really quite disturbing.

"We're throwing you a surprise party, duh! I can't believe you actually forgot your own birthday!" Pein groaned.

"Well, it's not that I forgot, it's more like-" and was interrupted by Konan releasing the death grip she had around his neck and gestured frantically for the rest of the group to come in. They all did, and immediately formed a circle around the two, the majority snickering as they arranged themselves.

Pein's eye twitched.

A circle made around you was never a good sign. [1]

"Konan, why exactly are you-" and was interrupted again as Konan pulled an envelope out of her cloak and handed it to him, giggling even harder now.

Seriously.

Creepier than Orochimaru's tongue.

"What are you waiting for?! Go on! Open it open it OPEN IT!" Konan was now bouncing up and down, and Pein had a hard time keeping from watching her...uh...yeah, it was kind of difficult. He managed to tear his eyes away from her..._assets_...and concentrated on tearing the envelope open.

A...card.

"Konan?"

"Yeah?"

"What...is this?"

"A card, duh! Go on, read it!" Pein sighed and read the front of the card.

_You're probably thinking that this is madness, right?_

"Yes." he groaned and opened the card, only to have his ears assaulted by a loud voice.

"Madness...THIS! IS! SPARTA!" Pein dropped the card in shock, only to receive a foot in the chest from Konan, sending him backward into Kisame, who also put his foot up and kicked him, albeit a bit gentler than Konan had, right into Hidan, who had no qualms about kicking his leader as hard as possible. Soon enough, Pein was bruised and battered from all the constant kicking, not even trying to fight them off anymore.

"Okay guys, that's enough!" Konan clapped her hands and everyone else left, filing out the door back to what they were doing before. She turned to leave as well, then turned back around.

"Oh, and Pein?" the man in question looked up from where he lay on the floor, completely exhausted. Konan smiled sweetly.

"Don't _ever_ forget to take the trash out again."

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[1] Seriously. If you ever get the feeling that a circle is being made around you...run.

A.N: ...I have no excuse for this. It was a sentence and then it was a drabble and now...I don't even /know/ anymore. But yeah, I found a card like this at Walmart. I got it for my friend, who read it and got Sparta-kicked off of the diving-board.

...Please don't kill me for not updating. AToD has gotten kind of...meh for me. If you want me to continue, please send in truths or dares, I can't think of all of them. And if you want to request a drabble or short story, be my guest. Jashin knows I need the practice.

ATBTA has left the site.


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